I recently discovered a part of me that i hardly get in touch with,heck i had very little idea it existed. I am talking about the part of the human brain that makes us feel jealous. I am not the jealous envious type i despise it but i did feel jealous very recently . it is of course about a girl and that’s where it becomes strange. the girl in question, let’s call her X, isn’t my gf i don’t have a crush on her. In many ways though we are connected. about 6 yrs back we reconnected and trust me i had no idea we wuld be this close i have feelings for her like no other not the bf i wanna “chike” u, sleep with you (dats up 4 debate tho) kind of feelings just an unnatural feeling towards this girl it supercedes most. trust me it’s scary. I’ve been there for her and she’s been 4 me through thick n thin, support, advice,.. she’s kinda my conscience in many ways. before i do something stupid, i ask her opinion which i mostly take. she tells me my right and wrong, she makes me understand and show emotions to things I am very bad with. I am like the most emotional sociopath you’ll ever know if you find a way to connect emotionally to a sociopath that is.which brings me to the jealousy ish . i mostly know who she’s screwing, who she’s in love with, who she hates…. whom she lost her virginity to, most of her bfs need to have my blessing before she goes ahead with them. It’s like we are soul partners in a way. so quite surprisingly very recently she told me she was screwing sum1 and it hit a cord with me . i was shell shocked to say the least. Don’t get it twisted i didn’t suddenly develop feelings for her or want to date her etc etc but it did hit me. i don’t know why but it felt different for me. here is sum1 i actually encourage to have sex which she does and i feel nothing but something felt different. i tried to process why i suddenly felt this way, exploring all possible options as to why, including if i wanted her to be my gf etc etc but it wasn’t any of that. i finally figured it out. this was the most vocal she had been about any of her exploits, she was not only enjoying this, she just wasn’t getting enough, it was like she had found some brand new way of mixing crack that made it different from everything out there she was into it and that’s why i was feeling the way i did. I was happy 4 her but i wished i was the 1 having this kind of happy sex, where i coudn’t get eonugh and just wanted to keep going. not that i get bored having sex, especially if its on a constant basis, I’m a freak. I’ll do just about anything in bed. I am kinky(no judging) but yet sex gets boring after a while and I’d pretty much just want to be alone with no hassles from the opposite sex. i really like my quiet. there you have it. I don’t know if I am finding excuses or just jealous… you be the judge.
Turning restlessly on his bed trying to get some sleep, Treyvon realised he can’t, he works a high stress job but it’s nothing compared to how he feels about her, she’s his world, he’s lost in everything she does. Lust, compassion, jealousy, hate, kindness, affection, he can’t control any of it, all he wants is Esperanza,the sound of her name to his ears, how it rolled out her tongue the very first day they met, his life is incomplete without her. She’s his world, he’ll give anything to have her right now. Physically, emotionally, carnally, that’s when it hits him he’s a slave to love. He has been thinking “what can I do to make it better, how much more can I do to impress her, what do I have to give up, what if she leaves or feels I’m not good enough for her or maybe I’m too good for her… what if!”
He recalls nights they’ve shared, his body against hers, her head on his chest, no space in between just deep breaths and sweet long deep kisses. So deep, so satisfying, so fulfilling, it’s passion at its fullest, and her breasts nudged against his chest. He remembers how they feel, how soft and comfortable those D-cups are, he remembers having it in his mouth, slushing all over it, he recalls her moans and the immense pleasure racing through his veins. He tries to control himself from getting lost but he already is, he’s a slave to love. Wow! he thinks, I miss her, I need her right now, I’d give anything for her to be in my arms right now.
He recalls how she whispers in his ears, nibbling carefully and playfully on his ears, it was raw pleasure sending shivers down his spine. He recalls kissing her inner thighs, slumbering down those big inner thighs, there was no place he would rather be. He remembers how wet she gets and how her body shivers to his every touch, he remembers going down on her, how warm it feels, it’s like the best slimy “gellish” thing he had tasted, she tastes like a delicate mix of exquisite Spanish cream, vanilla ice cream, a dash of ginger, it was truly beautiful. Her moans made him want to work her, pleasing her was all that mattered, she was his life. how he had made her clit so hard and red, playing with it for much longer would probably lead her to the “mountain”,how he gets so hard from having the time of his life with the woman of his life, on that very first night, he thought to himself how hasn’t he already climaxed, no time for thinking though he needed to go to that special place and take her with him. Finally, he mustered the strength and slid it in, she gave a gasp as she felt the length of him in her, it was ecstatic. he filled every inch of her. Slowly and gently with rhythm he went back and forth it was like a gymnast doing his routine but he was no gymnast he was just inspired by a woman, this woman, his woman! He was a slave in love.
He recalls how it lasted only a short while but it was more about the journey and he was satisfied how the journey had gone and he felt she wasn’t dissatisfied either. It was for her like being to Paris, seeing that shoe you always dreamed about with the dress and hand bag to match all of this completely free and given to you by someone who cares about you it was the ultimate feeling of pleasure it was wonderful well at least, that’s what she told him or he thought he heard. He recalls them lying naked, talking about stuff and laughing for hours both too tired to get out of bed. it had been a great night and nothing seemed more important than being in each other’s arms or so he thought.
Now here he was without her, all by himself, it tortured him to think about it but he had no choice he was in love. Where could she have gone where could she be? why hasn’t she sought him out? he began to fear the worst, what had happened to his woman? he couldn’t fathom being without her. it was the worst thing ever. He was sure he couldn’t bear it but she was out there somewhere, he could feel it. Maybe she needs rescuing, Maybe she has someone else, Maybe her phone would ring, Maybe… just Maybe he’ll wake up and this would all be a nightmare and she’ll be lying right next to him, her mouth slightly ajar breathing softly into his chest,,,, his phone beeps to bring him back to the present. it’s not her but there’s news… it’s not bad news but it isn’t good either…
Tune in for part 2😁
A guy called Jozi
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