EXPECTATIONS…


I feel the weight on my shoulders sometimes,I feel I may be consumed it bothers me day and night as I wake up in the morning, as I lay down  to sleep at night, sometimes I cry wondering if I’ve got what it takes, I ask God to give me the strength and guide my part. I soldier on with hope and aspirations, sometimes I fail sometimes I win, but I never give up, no, never, i’m determined to make it no matter what it takes. Sometimes my drive and zeal makes me push the limits. I’m almost desperate at times I go to extremes, do things I said I wouldn’t do, I said I wouldn’t do this things before reality hit and I realized it’s a Wild wild world and sometimes you bend the rules and hope for some luck. This expectations are weighing heavy on me, it’s a fine line I’m  treading, hoping not to lose site of what the real aim is. This isn’t a pursuit of happiness quite the opposite with similar parallels. It’s a pursuit to stay relevant and to exist so at each turn, expectations meet duty, drive and zeal provide the fuel needed to keep me going. Sometimes I just want to give up, like “God why me” how does it come easy to some, some who don’t even believe in you. But who am I to question the almighty? Is a quick dollar really worth it? I ask myself and most times I say yes.  Today’s society is different from what and how our parents grew up so while they have passed on all their knowledge, it’s our duty to not just accept it but bring it up to date with society. This ain’t the 60’s anymore.I’m not desperate, no I’m not but expectations are weighing heavy on my shoulders sometimes I shed a tear just considering the possibility of being consumed, of not being able to fulfill expectations but I’m a born fighter, I’ll fight until there’s literally no fight left in me and I only see that happening when I’m six feet under the ground. Until that happens, I’ll keep feeling the weight of expectations and I’ll keep fighting. I hate to lose and I’ll never admit to being second best. It’s my self believe that I can do it if I’m devoted and put my mind to it, the drive to win means I’ll keep going even if I have lost a thousand times before I’ll keep going until I finally win, I don’t quit I can’t quit this expectations won’t just let me!!!

 

JOZI

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